The promise of change

I asked you something once,
Will you ever change?
You once said yes.
Yes to change,
Yes to the promise of change.
That promise you made.
The one you said you would keep,
Keep for me.
Never to hurt me, never to go back,
Well you did.
You broke a promise you once made with me.
Never to go back to history,
Well you did.
I asked you something once
Will you ever change?
I realised in the end it was me who had.



Bleakness of January,
The bitter cold,
The sun beams low, clouding all judgment
Even though the skies are a clear blue.

New Year’s Day, the epiphany.
It’s the end of the month,
Nearly February.
The year has truly begun
Time will fly by.

Our subconscious

When a dream reveals the deepest and darkest secrets,
Only you really know.
The ones you whisper when alone in the day,
They haunt you at night.

For your subconscious knows you,
Better than your best friend.
It tells you things you already know.
Like a message in a bottle with only half a clue.
For the missing half of the clue is just for you
To work out the very next day.

For the rest we know,
The masks we wear in the day
Our subconscious knows them all, like a party trick
For every day attire.
But when you sleep the window opens to another world.
The world of our subconscious,
The secrets we hide are unearthed
For just us to see and figure out later.

Power of genetics

Recently I have been looking in-depth at my father’s maternal side of the family tree of Oakes and the names associated with it. As I know so little about the people apart from my great-grandfather Thomas originally came from Kings Lynn, Norfolk, England. As a theatre musician he travelled around and that is how my line ended up in the North West of England. So I really wanted to see if there were any living relatives still in Norfolk that are connected through the surname Oakes.

Before Christmas I joined a Facebook group looking at family history in and around Kings Lynn. So I decided to post a message about looking to find living relatives and see if I could connect with anyone in the area. Eventually I got a response from a woman that in her tree she had the same 4th great grandparents as what I had stated in my message. In conversing I knew we were related as our 3rd great grandfathers were brothers. Myself from the younger and her from the older, the brothers were one of many siblings.

In further talks we started sharing photographs over email and something astonished me in a fabulous way, one photograph was a group of people (all distantly related to me). This particular photo made me double look as there was a boy in this who looked the double of my dad when he was a child. So I had to show the picture to my dad and he was just as amazed at the likeness to him as a child also.

For me it showed the real power of genetics and DNA. It opened up my eyes to what my ancestors could have looked like with the similar features all the distant cousins had, such as nose shape, cheeks prominent, face shape and many other things. All show how we can picture our ancestors from looking at those in the present, as it shows what has passed through generation by generation.

It taught me to send a message out on a group as you never know what response you will get back. As well as how genetics can define a family group and how DNA has passed through generation by generation. It was certainly and eye opener, so don’t take old photographs for granted!

A resolution or two

Happy new year to me and you,
For we will make a resolution or two.
They will be broken by July,
Then you say oh why
Did I bother?
For I will never make another.
Till next year comes again.

A resolution or two,
To lose weight
Or learn a clue.
For I am sure it will not be hard,
As last year I got far.
In thinking about it
But not doing it.
For I will make it again for next year when it comes.

Next year will come,
With the same problems as one
Had before.
But now I am bored,
So now I will not bother
Rather continue from where I left off.
As for me that will be easy,
To stay happy as Larry on a sunny day,
Until the rain comes of course!


This New Year!

Happy New Year!

To another year of change, continuity and just plain rollercoaster ride of emotions, tasks and actions. Every year at this time we decide to make resolutions to change and improve ourselves. Usually I make a couple, like everybody else. But this year the only one I will be making only one and that is to just continue where I left off.

By that I mean continuing writing this blog and posting every Monday and Thursday on a continuous basis, hoping that what I write, will entertain you each time.


A reflection of the year

Soon enough it will be the start of a new year, of 2018. I thought that today’s post would be about the reflections of our accomplishments and success’ of the year, as well as the minor short comings (but not too many).

Think about this time last year, when we approaching 2017. Who were you then? Have you changed since then? One thing I can say is yes more than likely that you have. Every year we grow, transform and sometimes regress backwards. It can happen.

It is always good to look back and see where we are now and to then look forward.

But firstly look back, back to the year behind us. What milestones have you reached? What steps have you taken to reach your goals and dreams? What mistakes have you made? Look at the sand within the hour-glass and see it full, soon you will turn it over to start again.

When I look at my milestones and achievements I look at how I eventually passed my theory test on my driving, something which held me back all them years ago when I initially started to learn to drive. I think I was scared of the failure, a slight perfectionism within me, but now not so much. Instead I jumped in and did it.

I volunteered with my local GP for an initiative not just because I wanted to help others, but really help myself. As someone who is unemployed and still is I wanted to be involved in something. Put my talents and skills to use, as well as building my confidence. Which it has. Now I am confident because I decided to jump in. You might have noticed a theme here.

I decided to take risks more, some small and others big like volunteering in meeting new people and gaining their trust in completing tasks. I took the risk of restarting this blog and become dedicated to posting on set days, hoping people will read it. If they don’t I carry on because it helps me, as writing is a passion of mine and I just keep writing!!

But one flaw I do have is not wanting to do things on my own. I said I have confidence, but not always enough courage and self belief that I can do something on my own and it will be okay. I would love to travel more and see places like you see people do on their own all the time, someday I just might be like that, but that is something I need to work on.

One thing that may have impacted your year is the people who have come and gone from your life this year. This is something I can relate to whole heartedly as earlier in the year I lost a friend who I met on my dialysis/transplant journey. I remember hearing off Natalie’s mum knowing that it was either she had a transplant or had died, unfortunately it was the latter. I was devastated in hearing she had gone, but I had hope in remembering the good times we had, the moments we shared. Even though we weren’t close, we still talked every now and then. So I believe people come and go in and out of our lives for a reason, a purpose. What that is I cannot say, as everyone is different, but remembering them keeps them alive and the impact they have on you.

Furthermore upon the subject of people and the expectations we portray and receive. I always try and treat people the way I want to be treated, but a lot of the time it is not returned. I and like many others find this disappointing that you sound get the same back as you might have done for other. My advice for that and something I learnt is know your limits with people, only take so much before you make a change in your behaviour or even to that person. It may sound harsh, but take into next year of knowing your individual limits and not over sacrificing for someone else, who doesn’t always appreciate what you have done and who you are as a person!

In looking forward 2018 will bring the same triumphs, tribulations, happiness and sorrow as before it just in how we deal with it all. Whatever may hit you in the upcoming year, just bring it and take it on head first!