A new day

Turning over and opening my eyes,
I see the sun beaming through the curtain,
A new day had come.
After the night of doubt, negative thoughts
With the linger of loneliness,
A new day had come.
From drowning my sorrows into a bottle,
The sun was a comfort, to know,
That a new day had come.

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Love yourself

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?
A glowing, beautiful person?
Or every fault in the stars?
Do you see your nakedness and smile,
because you see you and accept every inch,
Or cover up and hide every part of you,
because you would change this and that.
Do you like or loath yourself?
Are you kind?
Are you cruel?
Do you love or hate yourself?
For what you think does not just affect you
But those around you.
Learn to love yourself,
If you do learn to love yourself harder.
See what happens!

Into the void

Into the void he went, parting with words of,
I need space.
But he also seemingly mocked and was cruel to her,
For he was laced with pain,
But before the void shut, he turned to her,
Fingertips touching hers, he spoke softly,
I am sorry.
I forgive you, she said as a parting gift.
But then he was gone.
The void was shut and she cried and wailed,
Knowing not when he will return, but knowing she had to do it.

Everyday for a while, she came to the spot where he left,
Thinking of what had gone wrong,
Was it her fault?
Even though he has become a thorny chalice
It needed healing.
For the parting of sorry gave her hope,
That he cared enough.
Enough to come back one day and the storm to lift.

Then one day, she did not go to see if he would be there,
For she decided it was time for her
To do what she wanted to do.
For she needed space, but did not understand fully,
Only when he asked for it, she took her time,
From there she grew, learned and believed,
Believed in herself, 
That she would be better, stronger, happier.
With or without him..

To the day he comes back,
He will be different,
But so will she.
It may even have been a blessing in disguise,
For both of them,
An unknowing test,
Which will bring them strength, respect and love,
Love for themselves but each other in many forms.
The void will one day open again,
For that she was sure.

Another lockdown

We have all had enough, I know,
But keep faith that little bit longer.
At least we now know what to expect,
What our limits and stress levels can be.
Another lockdown for us,
But this is the new normal for us.
Follow the rules, keep space.
Finally look after your body, mind, spirit and soul.

Happy new year!

Happy new year!

Welcome to 2021 a year we hope that is an improvement to last year.

I also want to say thank you to those who have followed me during the last year. I hope you continue to show your support and enjoy my work.

Reflection of 2020

“All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong. Does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost.”

J.R.R. Tolkien

We are stronger then we know sometimes. An apt way to describe 2020. A year that has been challenging and dismal for many, it has also brought out our strengths on the inside and out. For many this year has been hard for numerous reasons because of the challenges we have faced.

For those who had to shield for months on end and still do so, to the children who had to do their school lessons at home and to the parents that taught them. To the exhausted front line workers and key workers in all areas that have kept us safe and the world turning round, when others could not. To the families who have not held hands for months, to those who could not travel for work, to see family or just for a luxury when you could not. To those who had planned a wedding, to them being cancelled not just once. To those who have been surrounded by death and to those who could not say goodbye. For those who have been furloughed or lost their job you have courage. For we have all seen the world in the grey and there have been moments of kindness and light. It takes something to see the world as it is and still show love in all forms.

“It takes a great deal of courage to see the world in all its tainted glory, and still love it.”

Oscar Wilde

This year has shown us those moments of kindness and love, from the community spirit, to looking out for your neighbour. To ask how you are, not just for the sake of small talk but because we really mean it. Those are the things we need to keep going forward.

This is not a post to lecture and moan, but to celebrate what we have all been through together across the world. It is something this pandemic that will last for a while. Yes we will all go through moments of darkness, that is a given because of the challenges we all face. At least we know there is a light no matter how small we can journey across to.

I have mentioned many times that for myself the challenge was working from home, to shield as being high risk. But I never mentioned the subsequent anxiety I felt for the first few times when I went out. That subsided, but it is more that I felt like that in the first place. For many who suffer with their mental health have had to cope in an isolated world, without the full support they had before. There are those that have emerging mental health because of all the reasons I have mentioned above. Learning how to cope in an ever changing world.

So celebrate the accomplishments we have had this year, no matter how big or small. For an achievement is a positive. It is the little bit of light in a world full of grey!

“We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in.” 

 Ernest Hemingway

Dear you….

All I started with was a name, Dear you.
Contemplating how to start it all off.
Maybe the date, that might give me a moment to think,
Of how this will go. Starting this letter to Dear you.
From the head, but also the heart, I begin.
I am honest, I am wild, I am erratic.
Not knowing if saying this will be right,
But Dear you is more then just a starting point anymore.
I like you, I miss you, I wish you would come back.
Being brave in saying it all,
As when the rain falls it breaks the dam.
I did that in just starting with Dear you.
Everything else just flooded everywhere.
When it all settles, it calms down.
Ending with much love, because that is all I can feel.

You inspired me

I never knew what this would be,
That it could end up being like this,
I am glad I took the plunge with you.
For you changed me.
You did not only inspire
But improved me.
I saw your point of view,
I saw your rational.
I accepted it.
For how you make me feel is mind blowing,
Indescribable and every word in the dictionary.
I see you as an equal who accepts me for me.
No judgement, or criticism,
But taking me on as I am.

Changing faces

There comes a moment when we change,
It is not because of a wanting to but mere necessity.
The friendships we held so close, fizzle and fail.
With new people in life, the old can become distant.
But heed this fair warning as it is important to know.
Do not forget those who were there before,
Those who helped in the times of need.
Those who held a hand,
Then helped you land on your feet.
For the new person in your life may feel fabulous and real.
When the wall crumbles down, you turn around,
To find that the friend you once knew has disappeared,
But you were too busy to notice. 
Then you wonder where it went wrong. Long ago!

Behind the mask

Looking at an array of masks in a shop, Debating which beauty, which work of art to choose. One to go with a dress? One that suits me? Or maybe someone I would like to be? Studying around I pick one and buy it. Black and wired, bejewelled yet simple, Something so elegant and sophisticated. Getting ready, I think of what I was told or did I imagine it? He would be there. Butterflies go round me and I smile. The dress I chose is purple with a sweetheart neckline. It fits my curves as well as the mask. I feel beautiful.

Arriving at the grand home of the host, it was full of splendour. Scaping the landscape I could not see him. I wander round whilst the orchestra plays sweet music, People talking, drinking, dancing, enjoying the Summer air. Enjoying the company of the masquerade, of being who they want to be in that moment. Disappointed I cannot find what I seek, I am asked to dance by many, Round and round I go to each violin chord we go.

Catching my breath, my arm is gently touched to grab my attention. It sends tingles all through me, The stranger ushers me to dance. I oblige. With the hand gliding on my back guiding me to where I am wanted, I turn to face them. I gasp for breath. It was him. Standing in position he takes my hand and entwines it in his. Then lightly places his hand on my back. It set every part of me. My heart beating fast being right here in front of me. The music starts and he leads, following every chord, every beat, we turn about the room in motion with the music. It felt like it was just the two of us, like those magical, yet corny parts in films I love. Then the music stops. The song has ended.

He doesn’t let go instead he lingers just a moment longer looking into my eyes. No words are said, otherwise the spell would have been broken. He lets go of my back and keeps hold of my hand, fingers still interlocking. Looking at him eagerly yet longingly, his eyes searching mine seem to read my hand. He tugs a little at my hand towards him, as if to follow. I did. He turned round as I followed to make sure I was still there. He smiled and carried on. Up the stairs, I look down to see if anyone noticed us disappear together. But all were too merry on the music, drinking the wine, laughing and larking about.

Leading me to a room, we enter. I stand there unsure in this large room that is probably his. He quietly closes the door but not before checking if anyone was around. The curtains were open and the moonlight shone in. Coming towards me, he undoes the ribbon on his mask and in his hand throws it to the floor. Inches from me his hands glide up my arms, caressing my jawline in passing to the back of my head and pulls on the ribbon. With it in his hands he throws it to the floor, revealing my face fully. There we both were in a room. His emerald gems staring into the deep blue ocean, both knowing what the other wanted. With him I felt safe, desired and so much more. No words were needed as there was a mutual understanding.